Selfridges Eat British, Drink British Web Page – 5 November 2013
I wrote about Selfridges in Oxford Street, London, in 2006, a piece called, A Squirt from the Freaks
Selfridges has moved on since then, become part of the Global Upmarket Shopping Experience. And they have a website, and I find one of the pages on it to be hilarious, such a parallel universe to that which I live in, it must beat going to theatre every time. Who needs J.R.R. Tolkein? It’s Hobbits with Hilarity.
At the foot of this page is a screenshot from the web page, Eat British, Drink British just so I can prove I am not making this up, but before that, here is a list of what is on offer on that page today, 5 November 2013, with a hohoho score alongside, according to my own analysis of its hilarity factor – hilarity in the context of Eat British, Drink British.
| Item | Hilarity Score |
| Chilli Bacon Jam | |
| The Jewel Box Assorted Chocolates and Truffles | |
| Organic English Breakfast Tea Sachets | |
| Caramel Crunch Popcorn | |
| Organic Lemongrass Ginger and Citrus Fruits Teabags | |
| Bagpiper Shortbread Tin | |
| Bacon Jam | |
| Goat’s Cheese and Black Pepper Popcorn | |
| Mint Sauce | |
| Honey Hazelnut Popcorn | |
| Apple Sauce with Cider Brandy | |
| Chilli Jam | |
| East Meets West Popcorn | ?! |
| Rosemary Jelly | |
| Selfridge’s Lemon, Lime and Ginger Drink | |
| Strong Horseradish and Cream | |
| Peanut Butter Popcorn | |
| Onion Marmalade | |
| Lemon and Poppyseed Popcorn | |
| Salted Caramel Popcorn Biscotti Jar | |
| The Mint Box | |
| Zingy English Mint Dark Chocolate Wafers | |
| Chilli with Cool Lime Dark Chocolate Wafers | |
| Organic Camomile Tea Sachets | |
| Fig Relish | |
| Organic English Breakfast Pyramid Tea Bags | |
| Caffe Latte White Chocolate Wafers | |
| London Gin Truffles | |
| Plum Chutney | |
| Organic Peppermint Tea Sachets | |
| Beetroot & Horseradish Relish | |
| Organic Earl Grey Pyramid Tea Bags | |
| Ginger Hunks Dark Chocolate Selection | |
| Pink Marc de Champagne Chocolate Truffles | |
| Banoffee Truffles | |
| Organic Green Tea Sachets | |
| Milk Marc de Champagne Truffles | |
| Assorted Biscuits in London Bus Tin | |
| Rose and Violet Chocolate Creams | |
| Caramel Macchiato and Whisky Popcorn | |
| Organic Vanilla Chai Pyramid Tea Bags | |
There’s a problem with Selfridge’s web page on my version of Google Chrome at least, which is that what should be Self Help (I assume) comes out as Elf Help, – which is perhaps the most British thing about the page at all. Help from the elves sounds just about right.
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